Let’s be completely honest. Being a mom is hard. I am not talking about the day to day act of being a mom. I mean that is tough, but that is nowhere near as tough as the exhausting job of trying to look like we have it all together. Cause sometimes one bad day, one bad tantrum, one messy kid and your rep is ruined. Why do we work so hard to keep this act up?
That’s no mystery. There is nothing like the judgement of another mommy. Sure, we can pretend we don’t do it. As a Christian I would like to think I rise above it. But let me just come clean. If I am at the grocery store and I see a kid kicking a screaming and begging for Coco Puffs, as much as I try not to a part of me says, “Come on lady, get your kid under control.”
The other day, I was in Walgreens trying to score some free deals and Hannah threw a tantrum. An ugly screaming, kicking tantrum because I wouldn’t buy her some nail polish. I tried reasoning with her. Which was futile since she is three. I felt the stares, I felt the judgement, and I truly contemplated buying the stupid nail polish just to stop the screaming. But more so to stop the feeling of failure as a mom.
Last week I received one of the greatest gifts a mom can give another mom. Actually, I just assume she was a mom because only another mom would understand what a gift she gave me. You see, Hannah and I were on a shopping excursion and stopped to grab lunch. I ordered at the counter while Hannah sat in a booth nearby. She and I chatted in the non stop fashion that is her typical fashion. She was the delightful little girl that she typically is. She was so excited about our “date.”
I got my food and went over to sit down when a lady stopped me. She told me that my daughter was extremely well behaved and I must be doing a great job as her mom. One sentence that completely changed my day. It took no effort on her part and it changed my day.
This week, I am going to pass that kindness on. There is a boy in Lily’s class who has done some really sweet things for her lately. I think she should know. And hopefully next time I see a mom struggling with her kid I can give her the same grace that I hope is given me.
How can you make another mom’s day this week?
Melissa
says:
I try to tell my girlfriends and SIL all the time, what good moms they are. I know how much I love those words, so I try to pass them on.
By the way, I was the one with the screaming child in Walmart a few weeks ago. First time in our 23 months together it happened. It wasn’t pretty! lol. Spread eagle, on the floor in the middle of the aisle.
[Reply]
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:58 am
Sarah @ Ordinary Days
Twitter: OrdinarySarah
says:
I absolutely love those moments when someone gives you a pat on the back, almost as much as I loathe and break into a sweat when I’m not doing the best job. I’ve literally sweat through my clothes in some instances. I want to say to everyone around me, “You should have seen how well behaved he was being 5 minutes ago. I swear he’s a good boy!” Oh, I’m so weak when it comes to being judged.
Sarah @ Ordinary Days´s last blog ..You Capture: Technology
[Reply]
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:28 am
Veronica
Twitter: mayangelstar
says:
What a wonderful moment for you! We do need those, especially because it seems that the judgments are more prevalent than the praises us mothers give each other, verbally or unspoken.
My daughters principal told me the other day what well-behaved, kind girls I had and that we were doing a wonderful job parenting them. It was definitely a great thing to hear.
Pay it forward
Veronica´s last blog ..TWOC: Homemade Gifts
[Reply]
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:18 am
Jen-After the Alter
says:
That is a wonderful act of kindness. I feel that people are always so quick to oint out the bad…that they forget how nice it is to point out the good. I guess we should all think about that.
Jen-After the Alter´s last blog ..Blog Love
[Reply]
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:22 am
Monica
says:
Those comments always mean so much to me. And they seem to come when I need them the most. I am glad that someone stopped to give you the gift of encouragement. And it is so wonderful of you to pass it along!
Monica´s last blog ..Baby Book Pages – 7 Months
[Reply]
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:51 am
Heidi
says:
I must share what my mom did (now a grandmom).
She was in the grocery store when a child proceeded to throw a fit as you described and my mom watched as the mother of the child stood her ground and refused to buy the candy the child wanted and carried her under her arm out of the store.
My mom caught up to her to tell her what a great job she thought she was doing. She told her that too many parents can’t say “No” partially because of the judgement that they think other people have over their screaming kid.
My mom wanted her to know that she was impressed with the mother standing her ground despite potentially embarrassment and that she had nothing to be embarrassed about.
So if my mom had seen you and your daughter with the nail polish, you’d have gotten a big thumbs up.
[Reply]
November 2nd, 2009 at 11:51 am
Olivia
says:
So very true! We need to give ourselves and each other more grace.
Olivia´s last blog ..Happy Halloween!
[Reply]
November 2nd, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Ann Marie
says:
While my hubby was deployed, parenting was a real challenge for me. I was constantly second guessing myself.
I was in the checkout lane and my oldest (3yrs) took a container of tic tacs when I wasn’t looking and proceeded to eat them! When I discovered him – I took them and said – “Hunny you have to ask Mama and we have to buy them first, but since you didn’t ask me, mommy has to buy them and throw them in the trash”
Which I did – and he started screaming – high pitched, my leg has been ripped off screaming…
The lady behind me in line reached out her hand and touched my arm… “I have been a school teacher for over 10 years – and I wish more Moms had the courage to do what you just did”…
I wish more people would say things like that! It was just what I needed that day!
Ann Marie´s last blog ..household schedule
[Reply]
November 3rd, 2009 at 2:22 am
Beth
says:
I am not particularly looking forward to those tantrum moments, but when it happens I hope I can be disciplined enough to say “No” too. I know what a great mommy you are and I also know how well behaved your girls are. Good idea to pass on the positive reinforcement.
[Reply]
November 3rd, 2009 at 6:29 pm
Mozi Esmes Mommy
says:
What a terrific idea! I can think of a few moms to pass this on to…
Mozi Esmes Mommy´s last blog ..Book Reviews
[Reply]
November 8th, 2009 at 1:14 pm