Tonight in households across America the same argument is occurring. It looks a little something like this.

“How was your day?”

“Kind of rough. Work is really challenging right now and my day was filled with meetings.”

“Well that wasn’t anything. I had kids clinging to me all day and picked up the same mess over and over.”

“I hear you, but my boss is really being demanding right now and I am so exhausted from such a long day.”

“YOU’RE Tired? Try cooking and cleaning all day and dealing with bickering kids!!”

You know what the problem is when we try to one up our spouse in the “who had a harder day battle”? Nobody wins.

A few years back Ryan was traveling a bunch for work and I was miserable trying to parent without him home. He would call from these really nice hotel rooms after a dinner on an expense account and say how much he missed us. I would be seething thinking about how nice it would be to sleep in a bedroom someone else cleaned, eating yummy food and sleeping through the night without babies waking me up.

But then I traveled alone a few times. That hotel room all to myself got lonely, the food didn’t taste near as good sitting at a table by myself and I missed my family terribly. Lather, rinse and repeat for several months and I would have gotten a tiny taste of my husband’s life.

And it only took a few days of me being away for Ryan to get a taste of what life is like at home all day with three kids. Actually it probably only took about ten minutes.

When I have a rotten day I want to feel supported. And when my husband has a bad day he wants the same. Neither of us want to enter into a competition about who has it worse. So next time your husband opens up the lines of communication about the struggles in his life, listen. Yeah, I know. Your day was harder. But just listen.

You can find all of the marriage unwrapped posts here.

I think one of the most dangerous things we can do as married people is read other people’s story and think it can’t happen to us. Amy’s story serves as a cautionary tale and is a bit of a teaser to her newly released eBook, Entangled.

My husband and I met when I was only 15 in 10th grade.  Within two weeks of meeting and multiple phone calls, we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend.  I wasn’t even old enough to properly call it dating.  Within two months of meeting I was sure we were going to get married.  And sure enough, 4 years later, just 2 weeks before I started my junior year of college, we were honeymooning on the coast of Florida.

As newlyweds, we were already leaders in our church, I was an honor student and I was sure we’d somehow miss all the potholes we were warned about in Sunday School marriage lessons.  Seven years later after two children and my husband’s temper began taking its toll, I found myself leaning into a friend at work for emotional support.

He was attentive and complimentary.  He never complained about my family and didn’t know the dishes weren’t clean.  It was like a fresh breath of air.  And I couldn’t get enough.  The relationship developed with lightning speed until we were having intimate conversations over instant messenger late into the night while my husband was working.  My husband finally confronted me about the relationship where I admitted things were more serious than I had let on.

I spent the next months and years untangling myself from misplaced feelings and deceptive lies. But God never let me stew in my own sin, constantly calling me out when I faltered, showing me more grace than I deserved.  My husband was angry at first but displayed so much patience, compassion and forgiveness over the years.  Six years later while we still have scars and issues, we have come out more aware of our weak areas yet stronger than ever.

I may have been naive as a newlywed but I had the Sunday School answer that always works: Jesus.  Who knows what we’ll face in the next thirteen years but I know we’ll survive by the grace of God.

God taught me so many things that helps me survive and even thrive in our marriage and I would love to share more in my new eBook, Entangled.

Amy’s book is really powerful. She has let us peek inside her marriage in an incredibly vulnerable way. In my opinion it should be required reading for all married women. It is for sale for only $4.99 so grab it up and affair proof your marriage.

You know how they say that women use 3 times as many words in a day as men. Well while I can get my words on like nobodies business, I am convinced that I can only tolerate being touched 3 times less than a normal human being.

This does not bode well for my hubby whose primary love language is touch.

When it comes to touch my husband it competing against 3 little people who seem to spend their days pretending to by monkeys clinging to a tree (I am the tree in this analogy). I have a two year old who loves to snuggle and when he isn’t snuggling, he wants to wrestle. Our five year old wants to climb in my lap as much as she can. And my eight year old, although not as snuggly any more, seems to constantly be suctioned to my side as my little shadow.

It is so easy for me to be all touched out by the time Ryan gets home. And, even if we aren’t talking sex, he still needs touch for me. He loves it when I run my fingers through his hair, have his back scrubbed and hold my hand. Then let’s add in his “other” physical needs and that is a whole lotta touching I need to bring to the table.

I must admit I am not writing this post from a place of doing a good job in this area. In fact, if I must confess, I kind of stink at it. At the end of the day I want to curl up in a little ball and say “stop touching me!!”

But maybe my hubby wants to say, “Stop talking to me!! I’m all talked out today.” Actually in our case that doesn’t really work. My hubby likes to talk just like I do. But I bet you a million bucks he doesn’t want to do the laundry and wash the pans. But guess what my love language is? Acts of service. So he often does it. When I know he doesn’t want to.

I have been to several weddings where the pastor has the two people look at each other and say “It’s Not About Me.” (hear that Kardahsians?) How much does that stink? Shouldn’t it be about me? Like at least 62% about me?

But I am so blessed when I make my marriage not about me. Maybe not immediately. And maybe not even with a thanks or an acknowledgement from my husband. But I am blessed because I am a better person when it isn’t about me. I am a better mom, a better daughter, a better friend and a better wife. Most importantly I am a LOT closer to who God wants me to be.

And today, God wants me to be a wife who gives her amazing hubby a really long back rub……

What is a way that you can serve your spouse this week when you really don’t have it in you to do so?