As we all recover from the annual weekend of overeating, here is a little

We all know from our childhood Sunday school lessons that God’s creation was once perfect, but is now imperfect. Over the course of the last ten years, I’ve seen this truth realized in my body. It’s not that God didn’t knit me together perfectly in the womb as he tells us in Psalm 139, but as it turns out he made me a good foot too short… for my weight, that is. I’m pretty sure that if I were somewhere in the 6’8 range, my body mass index would be right on the money. But since I’ll remain vertically-challenged in this life, I’ve come to the realization that I may need to drop a few LB’s if I’m going to live my life to the fullest.

Like a lot of guys, I’ve been steadily putting on the pounds since marriage, and have been insecure about it. Thankfully, Jill has managed to acknowledge that I’ve gained some weight without making me feel terrible about it. And so despite the downward slide, I’ve remained optimistic that I’ll get motivated and get me one of those Bradley Cooper physiques that sell so many issues of People magazine to you ladies.

Thankfully, about two months ago, Jill’s dad asked me if I’d like to try a home workout with him. Well, not just any workout – P90X – the “mother of all home workouts.” I liked the idea of us doing it together and despite the fact that he’s in his sixties, does Pilates twice a week, and just ran a half marathon, I figured I could keep up with him.

Long story short, we hit the 30 day mark of the 90 day series and things are going very well. I’ve dropped an inch off of my waist, am building muscle, and most importantly, I’m having a lot of fun doing it. As I think of the last month, I’m very, very thankful for the encouragement that I’ve gotten from him, from Jill, and from my parents, my mother-in-law, and even my kids. The key here is that they’ve been encouraging, but not TOO encouraging if you know what I mean. They haven’t been over the top with compliments (code for “we can’t believe you have hauled that beer gut out of bed each morning to do this”) but have instead expressed sincere encouragement every so often.

The lesson for me is that Jill would have been well within her rights as my wife to say, “I’d prefer that you not turn into a monster slob one fried chicken at a time… can you please get to the gym?” but instead she was patient with me and provided encouragement. Moreover, my father in law is a gym rat and certainly didn’t need to do P90X with me, but he jumped in with me because he knew I wouldn’t likely do it myself.

I’ve come to believe that while encouragement may abundant in this world for Generation Y with their helicopter parents (us), it is sorely lacking in this world for most adults. And a little goes a looong way. And while I may not be able to restore my physique to anything near perfection, whatever improvements I make I can chalk up to having loved ones that value encouragement more than criticism.

How can you encourage your spouse this week?

Tonight in households across America the same argument is occurring. It looks a little something like this.

“How was your day?”

“Kind of rough. Work is really challenging right now and my day was filled with meetings.”

“Well that wasn’t anything. I had kids clinging to me all day and picked up the same mess over and over.”

“I hear you, but my boss is really being demanding right now and I am so exhausted from such a long day.”

“YOU’RE Tired? Try cooking and cleaning all day and dealing with bickering kids!!”

You know what the problem is when we try to one up our spouse in the “who had a harder day battle”? Nobody wins.

A few years back Ryan was traveling a bunch for work and I was miserable trying to parent without him home. He would call from these really nice hotel rooms after a dinner on an expense account and say how much he missed us. I would be seething thinking about how nice it would be to sleep in a bedroom someone else cleaned, eating yummy food and sleeping through the night without babies waking me up.

But then I traveled alone a few times. That hotel room all to myself got lonely, the food didn’t taste near as good sitting at a table by myself and I missed my family terribly. Lather, rinse and repeat for several months and I would have gotten a tiny taste of my husband’s life.

And it only took a few days of me being away for Ryan to get a taste of what life is like at home all day with three kids. Actually it probably only took about ten minutes.

When I have a rotten day I want to feel supported. And when my husband has a bad day he wants the same. Neither of us want to enter into a competition about who has it worse. So next time your husband opens up the lines of communication about the struggles in his life, listen. Yeah, I know. Your day was harder. But just listen.

You can find all of the marriage unwrapped posts here.

I think one of the most dangerous things we can do as married people is read other people’s story and think it can’t happen to us. Amy’s story serves as a cautionary tale and is a bit of a teaser to her newly released eBook, Entangled.

My husband and I met when I was only 15 in 10th grade.  Within two weeks of meeting and multiple phone calls, we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend.  I wasn’t even old enough to properly call it dating.  Within two months of meeting I was sure we were going to get married.  And sure enough, 4 years later, just 2 weeks before I started my junior year of college, we were honeymooning on the coast of Florida.

As newlyweds, we were already leaders in our church, I was an honor student and I was sure we’d somehow miss all the potholes we were warned about in Sunday School marriage lessons.  Seven years later after two children and my husband’s temper began taking its toll, I found myself leaning into a friend at work for emotional support.

He was attentive and complimentary.  He never complained about my family and didn’t know the dishes weren’t clean.  It was like a fresh breath of air.  And I couldn’t get enough.  The relationship developed with lightning speed until we were having intimate conversations over instant messenger late into the night while my husband was working.  My husband finally confronted me about the relationship where I admitted things were more serious than I had let on.

I spent the next months and years untangling myself from misplaced feelings and deceptive lies. But God never let me stew in my own sin, constantly calling me out when I faltered, showing me more grace than I deserved.  My husband was angry at first but displayed so much patience, compassion and forgiveness over the years.  Six years later while we still have scars and issues, we have come out more aware of our weak areas yet stronger than ever.

I may have been naive as a newlywed but I had the Sunday School answer that always works: Jesus.  Who knows what we’ll face in the next thirteen years but I know we’ll survive by the grace of God.

God taught me so many things that helps me survive and even thrive in our marriage and I would love to share more in my new eBook, Entangled.

Amy’s book is really powerful. She has let us peek inside her marriage in an incredibly vulnerable way. In my opinion it should be required reading for all married women. It is for sale for only $4.99 so grab it up and affair proof your marriage.