In a few weeks my life is about to change in a major way. My oldest is starting Kindergarten. Full day Kindergarten, 3 days a week. You may recognize me that first day. I will be the one who is in a puddle on the floor.
We really struggled with the decision to send Lily to Kindergarten this year. She has a fall birthday and the trend around here leans more toward pre-K for fall birthdays. However we had her tested, consulted many experts (and people posing as experts), and spent time praying about our decision. We really felt strongly that this was the right choice and I was so excited for her to go. We have chosen to send our children to Christian school and found one that could not be a better fit for our family if we designed it ourselves. So I have been gearing up for this year and all the new things that Lily will be experiencing.
I have talked to Lily many times over the summer about school and how exciting it will be to start a new school and go to Kindergarten. When I told her she would be there all day her eyes got really wide and she kept asking questions about what that meant. Yes, you will eat lunch there. Yes, you will be there for afternoon quiet time (which in the Diaper Diary household is the hour you leave mommy alone when you are no longer napping, but mommy still is). Yes, you will be there 3 whole days. She looked at me and said, “Can we stop talking about this now mommy, cause I feel like I might cry.” Oh, my outgoing child who lives for all things school, I thought, you will love it.
We got a letter back in May telling us who Lily’s teacher would be and what days she would be going to school. It also told us that we should expect a letter mid August that gave us all the info we would need to start school. It came last week. I opened it up and paged through the many sheets and saw there was a letter to Lily from her teacher. I handed it to her to read while I looked through the other stuff. She got really excited about everything in it. “Mommy, I get to bring a stuffed animal, Mommy I get to bring a snack, Mommy I get my own locker.”
I, however, had to leave the room so she couldn’t see my tears. I have been so worried about her being excited and not sad, I forgot about how sad I would be. And that letter made everything so real. I realized how much I will miss my little helper when I am trying to make lunch and Hannah needs entertaining. I will miss all the silly conversations we have in the car while we are running errands. I will miss our afternoons while Hannah is sleeping and Lily curls up next to me on the couch to read “Little House on the Prairie.”
I fear I have wished too many of these moments away when I have been tired or overwhelmed or frustrated. And now I wish I could have some of them back so I could cherish them the way they deserved to be cherished. Whenever someone asks Lily if she is excited about starting Kindergarten, her answer is always the same. “Yeah, I am excited, but I am really going to miss my mommy. But she says I get be with her 4 days and go to school only 3 so that makes me happy.” That makes me happy too, and I am going to do my best to cherish every moment of those 4 days cause next year I only get 2. And Lily, I will miss you too.
*This post was written as part of MamaBlogga’s August Group Writing Project. For more info or to participate head over here.
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